Dandelions have always been a symbol of whispered wishes hopes and dreams for me. I found this dandelion at the park on the day I got the results from my biopsy.
Now they represent answered prayer as well.
During a routine mammogram in October 2014 a suspicious mass was found on my breast. So on Oct. 24th I had the ultrasound that pointed to the need for a biopsy. You would think they would try to move these things along quickly, but I had to wait 8 weeks from the ultrasound to the call that gave me the results of the biopsy. So many thoughts and feelings went through my mind in the waiting. I never asked “Why me?” but I did ask “Why now? Why in this moment in time?”
I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel afraid. Facing the possibility of cancer head on and going over the “what if’s” was a little scary. Thinking about the inconveniences of treatment options and having to reorganize my life to a ‘new normal’ was not pleasant. Considering the fact that I may be sick, in pain, and not feeling well many days was a little overwhelming for me. I’m not afraid of dying…I’m afraid of the pain through the process.
All these things were going through my mind. And because I am not someone who sits still while waiting, I was researching all I could on breast cancer. I wanted to be informed, know all my options, and know what questions to ask throughout the process. In the meantime, I had to act like nothing was amiss, and continue to plan Christ In Action ministry events well into the New Year knowing there was a chance I might have to make some adjustments to those plans in the future.
Anyone who knows me knows I am an eternal optimist. I have this need to focus on the positives in every situation. The glass is always half full and nothing is ever impossible if you go for it with all you’ve got. It takes a lot for me to dwell on the negatives. But in this situation, even though I hoped and prayed it wasn’t cancer, I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was. Maybe it’s because (to my knowledge) only one other person I know who has had to have a biopsy had it come back benign. I just felt like I needed to prepare myself for the worst.
Looking back, maybe it was God pressing that feeling on my mind to take me where He wanted me to go…without actually having to take me there.
God has always been with me through my times of waiting, and now, once again, He was with me in this waiting. The first couple days after the ultrasound I think I was just in denial. By the 3rd day, I started realizing this could really be for real. And on the very next day, God gave me the first of many gifts. This one came from an internet devotional blog I follow at http://www.wisdomhunters.com/
This is a portion of their post on the morning of Oct. 28, 2014.
“But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
There is an inner energy our heavenly Father gives us as we wait on His best. He strengthens our faith with His faithfulness. He strengthens our resolve to do the right thing the right way. He strengthens our prayer life when we feel out of control and utterly dependent on His grace and mercy. He strengthens our relationships during the times we hit the pause button and learn to rest in His peace. He strengthens our calling to become the man or woman He has called us to be. Waiting takes extra grace, but the results of going to the next level of trust in the Lord can be life altering.
“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” 2 Corinthians 4:16
Are you exhausted by striving during a window of waiting in your life? Or have you found inner strength by leaning into the Lord in a time of outward uncertainty? The Holy Spirit is more interested in our soul work than the work of our hands. Our best creations come from God-given ingenuity that flows from the work of the Spirit within our soul. Indeed innovative plans can come when circumstances come crashing down. During soul reflection, think outside the box of what’s been done and look for a new work of Christ. The Spirit strengthens an imaginative mind for God.
Therefore, ask the Spirit to strengthen your soul as you wait on what’s next. Allow God’s peace to guard your heart and mind so those who love you sense calm from the One who calms the storms. Your spiritual journey requires refreshment only your Savior Jesus can provide. As you run through life stop and wait at Christ’s water station. Gulp down His cool, quenching grace and He will energize your weary soul. As you walk through adversity, God’s love and comfort will keep you from fainting and awaken you to His hope. Wait on the Lord for His renewing strength!
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry” Psalm 40:1
The peace I felt after I read that is indescribable. It was like a gentle breeze that blew past me, filling me with the knowledge that although I may not know what is going to happen, God does.
He is not taken by surprise, and He will take care of me.
He always has.
He always will.
The next day when the fear began to creep in again God sent me a second gift via text message through a friend. I hadn’t told her about any of this, but evidently she felt led to share a Scripture with me from a devotional she gets sent to her each day. Weeks later when I told her, she didn’t even remember sending it.
She didn’t know, but God knew.
Jeremiah 42:10-11
“If you will indeed stay in this land, then I will build you up and not tear you down, and I will plant you and not uproot you; for I shall relent concerning the calamity that I have inflicted on you. Do not be afraid of the king of Babylon, whom you are now fearing; do not be afraid of him, declares the Lord, for I am with you to save you and deliver you from his hand.”
This verse touched me in a couple of areas at this particular time in my life, but the one that pertains here was that I was not to fear this “king of Babylon” whom I now fear. I read this and felt such relief that the tears just flowed. It was so cleansing to my soul.
Another special gift from God came when I was in Kansas visiting my daughter and her family. The Pastor at the Salvation Army Church that they are a part of, preached a sermon that totally spoke to my heart. He prefaced the sermon with these words:
“It’s time to stand and fight this battle, and I, God, will give you the victory. Be Ready. Pray.”
Part of my notes for this sermon includes these verses and this outline:
Philippians 4:6-7
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Jeremiah 33:3 “Call to Me and I will answer…”
Jeremiah 32:27 “Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is anything too difficult for Me?”
1) Prayer provides power for difficult days
2) Prayer provides peace for my soul
3) Prayer provides protection from the attacks of the enemy
The Special Song for the service was sung by a beautiful woman in a wheelchair with special needs. She sang the song Just Give Me Jesus. It was the most powerful special music I’ve ever heard in any church service before.
On Nov. 13 (my birthday) a Facebook friend (who is really more a friend of my daughters) posted this prayer on her Facebook Wall that was another big “God Moment” for me through the waiting:
“Lord Jesus, may I never doubt your guiding presence and mercy towards me. Through the gift of your Spirit fill me with courage and persevering faith to trust you in all things and every circumstance I find myself in. Give me the strength to cling to your promises when the world around me begins to shake or crumble. And when my love and zeal begin to waver, fan it into a flame of consuming love and dedication for you who are my All.”
I received gifts like this through my personal devotional time in God’s Word, through His people, and through social media almost every single day throughout my waiting, right when I needed it most. I have them saved in a folder on my computer under the title “God Speaks.”
Indeed, He does!
For me, He speaks loudest in my times of waiting.
Maybe He is not speaking any louder during those times.
Maybe during those times it’s just that my ear is most tuned in to hear His voice.
The greatest gift I was given in 2014 was the news that I will not be battling cancer in 2015. My test results came back as benign. I am beyond thankful for that! I am grateful for God’s faithfulness, and for His voice; that He speaks in so many creative ways.
This experience has made me keenly aware in a very personal way that I am not guaranteed next year.
I’m not guaranteed next month or next week.
I’m not even guaranteed tomorrow.
All that is promised to me is this moment. I never want to forget that.
This moment matters.
It matters most of all.
Dandelion Dreams & Whispers in the Wind 